debating.

I'm at home again today, because last night my mouth decided to swell and my gums decided to try to take over my molars. However, today I am feeling really good, my mouth is still sore, but I got a lot of sleep and just doing some relaxing things is really refreshing. 


I got a random though today while roaming around some of the brilliant art blogs I follow...
I haven't been working very well in my sketchbook lately. I haven't been finding the time, and when I do all I do is doodle flowers and things like that. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut when it comes to sketching. So I think I've decided to switch sketchbooks. I want something smaller so that I can take it everywhere without it being so cumbersome. I have a small collection of molskine books that I have never finished using but I think that I would like a new one. I think that I am going to look for one today, or tomorrow. I feel the urge to transfer my favourite things I've done out of all of my sketchbooks into one. I feel really into collage today, and I'm itching to get into it. I'm going to look through all of my old sketchbooks and rip them apart. I need to do something new and better to refresh myself and inspire myself to create again.

Thoughts about next week.

This next week is going to be pretty hectic, I'm rather nervous about it. First, my art teacher is going to take my finished piece down to the art gallery to 'discuss' whether or not the suggestive nudity is appropriate enough to be shown in the Art in Action show. Hopefully the curator will be able to see that it really isn't about the nudity, and that it's worth putting in. If it's not put in the show, of course I'll be disappointed because of all of the work I have done on my big piece, but from the start I knew that it would be a struggle to have it shown because of the size/content.


I also start a new, short project next week for my portfolio! It's going to be a really detailed ink/gouache/acrylic ink piece that will have an Art Nouveau take on it. I'm not sure about the sizing yet, or if I'll do two or three small pieces or just one larger one. Either way, the size will range from... 11x17 to 5x7. I'm really excited to get my hands back on some traditional media that isn't in any way related to wood, graphite, or oil. I'm really done with those three things right now. 


I was supposed to read Heart of Darkness last week too, but I never got around to it... now I'm worried about what sort of project we will have to do on it, and whether or not it's worth reading. I hear it's really good, but for right now I don't feel I'd be able to enjoy it as much because I would just be rushing through the novel. I think I may as well just Sparksnote it and leave it at that.


I can't believe that February is almost over. In less than two months my portfolio will have to be finished and I will have to go through the admissions process for Capilano. I'm really nervous for that whole ordeal, it's a really serious thing and I hope that I will be considered for the top 50 at the very least, because I'm sure that if I can get to the actually tests and interviews that I can get in. If not, I'll have to stay in Kelowna for another year and as of right now I don't think that I could handle that.


Anyways, I look like a chipmunk today because my cheeks and gums decided that they should swell at random for my third day of recovery. As I type, I am cradling an icepack between my cheek and shoulder. :/ Today has really sucked. At least it's been relaxing, I like that this break has come right after completing my big piece, I really have needed this down time all of February. 


I think I'm going to go play some pointless games like the Sims now. :)

Feeling good.

Today has been feeling a lot better on the whole wisdom teeth subject. I've successfully eaten a whole mound of vanilla pudding, along with some jello and chicken broth.

Today I have spent my day wondering about how time can heal things. There are things that have happened in my life that were extremely traumatic at the time, but now looking back they all just blend into the past. That's something that has been given to almost all of us- the ability to slowly forget, to smooth out the crinkles that cause us pain. Without this, I feel I would be a much weaker, more scared person. I would find it so much harder to overcome everything that I have. I've certainly led a better life that many people, I have never lived on the streets or have been physically abused. But sometimes I don't think that people get what I have been through. There are people with faint ideas, but most people just don't know. I have a feeling that everyone feels understood like I do to a certain degree, no matter what kind of life they have lived. Regardless of any factors, I think it can be agreed that the ability to forget is something that can be considered priceless. 

There have been cases where people can remember everything though, and that possibility terrifies me. I've watched videos on different people who can remember everything with such clarity and perfect recall that to the general public, it comes off as eerie. If I were one of these people who just couldn't forget, no matter how hard I tried, I'd go insane. I don't think I could handle remembering everything.

Wisdom.

I got my wisdom teeth out today. It was an... interesting experience. I didn't expect it to be like that. I was completely scared of the procedure, and in some ways, it was scary. It's a procedure that almost everyone has to go through, and it seems that everyones experience goes through something different. 


I'm just happy it's over. The recovery has been a breeze so far, I feel really lucky. Apparently I am a tank when it en it comes to drugs. The laughing gas took a long time to take effect, I had to be refrozen multiple times and my freezing wore off within half an hour of getting up. I sobered from the gas incredibly fast, and I also felt no grogginess from it. It's kind of weird. The T-3's are the same thing. I'm completely aware just like when I was on the laughing gas, and I'm still not sleepy.


This has been a really odd day. Hopefully tomorrow I can pig out on pudding and jello pain-free.

Beginning.

"Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly?" -Frida Kahlo

   Frida was an amazing woman. She was so strong, and powerful, and  emotional. She was determined, she fought for what she wanted and created the most moving art I have ever seen. When she painted, she not only bared her entire self to her audience, but she also forced reactions. She painted such graphic things sometimes, and she was brilliant. To this day I have never found an artist like her. After seeing her artwork, she inspired me to paint. She inspired me to do so many things, and one of them is to express myself as many ways as possible.

   This is one of them. I've decided to start a new blog to share many things, not just emotions, but my thoughts and inspirations. I want to document my last few months in high school and what happens afterwards. I'm hoping that because of this blog that people will be able to see just a little bit into my life and understand what I'm going through. Lots of people I know don't truly understand what it takes to be an artist. Sometimes I forget that myself. But now I am going to keep this blog and write in it as often as possible because I need to have something to remind myself of why I am doing all of this. I want this so badly. I want to get in to Capilano, I want to be successful and do everything that I want to do and see in life. And I think that this will help.