Scared.

Two days.
That's all that I have left between me and the deadline for my portfolio. I'm scared. Whenever I come close to an important, art related deadline I tend to start back-peddling because I'm scared of being judged. This is something so important, I'm scared to have failed.


Overall, I am unhappy with my portfolio. There are some strong pieces, and lots of pieces that I personally am unhappy with. Looking back, I wish that I didn't force myself to do things I didn't want to, because now some of my pieces are lacking, and others look better because they;re things that I actually enjoy doing.


I'm really not sure how I'll take rejection, if that happens. Of course, I'll reapply next year, and stay here for a year and work (which would actually be a better idea), but staying in Kelowna would suck my love for art dry. There's no art culture here. I felt so inspired in Vancouver, yet here I have to push myself to do what I love. 


I'm terrified of what the next few weeks will bring.

13 days.

Today marks the 13th day in my countdown before I must hand my portfolio in. I've getting really nervous. My self doubt has overshadowed my confidence, and I feel almost helpless because I'm so far behind. I'm worried that my portfolio won't have enough pieces in it, and that I'll be rejected. I've put my all into what I've done, and now I can really do nothing to change my artist decisions and directions. I can only hope that Capilano will decide that I am what they want, and that I can do what they ask of me. 

If I am lucky enough to receive an interview, I think that I will be accepted. Because although a portfolio speaks volumes about the person, sometimes they have to meet you, ask you questions, and see how well you perform under pressure. I think that that may be the deciding factor behind my possible acceptance- that I want this more than anything, and that I will do what it takes to be there in September.